Fear

Those who personally know me knows that I had a great fear of hospitals. My hands get clammy as soon as I step in to the lobby; near fainting when I get to hospital rooms.  Prior to being a mother, I have been in the hospital at most five times, only once for confinement (Pneumonia).  

Now that I have two kids who seems to have subliminally liked their stay in the hospital (I hope I am wrong), that fear had to be conquered.  Parent's assistance are necessary to assure the kids that anything done to them while in the hospital are for their own good.  Sure my daughters give me this weird look whenever I tell them to look away and think that after the insect bite-like pain of an injection, they will feel a lot better.  Can you imagine how they will feel if they see their mother passing out at the sight of a needle?  The images are just too funny for me.

In January, both of my girls were confined in the hospital.  First was Nemo who had dengue-like symptoms (her white blood cells went way below the normal rate).  Then Portia had high-grade fever and subsequently dehydration because of a sinus infection.  

While I was in the hospital, I thought about how I was when I had Portia and how Newborn Screening gave me nightmares for weeks.  It was done in our hospital room right as we were about to leave.  Do you know how it is done?  The medical technician punctures one of the baby's heels - squeezes it so the blood comes out while she puts them on all these testing sheets.  I felt the urge to punch the medtech when I heard Portia's cow-like cry (at 2 days old).  I didn't though.  I cried on the sidelines.

I guess what I am trying to say is,  parenthood can change your perception in so many ways.   I got over my fear of hospitals and even got rid of superficial wants (I call them needs back then) because of my kids.  I am proud to say that it somehow made a better me - a version that I never thought possible.

Picture taken from themorningcall.com

How did parenting change you?